Thursday, February 01, 2007

expletive

I forgot to brush my teeth yesterday. Eew.

I went to pick up my mom to take her to the doctor. She said, "Pick me up at noon and we'll have lunch." I asked if that would be enough time, and she thought it "surely" would be sufficient. I had to pick her up at Scrabble. She plays Scrabble with her old ladies at the library on Wednesdays.

So I left work and had a little extra time, but not enough to go to the bank and deposit the 941 and 940 taxes before I picked her up. I thought maybe I'd just make her wait, but then I remembered how incredibly long it takes her to do anything and thought getting there early was probably a good idea.

Not a good idea. They had just started a new game when I got there. "You'll be amazed how fast it goes with this many people playing," she said. God.

"Do you play?" Barbara asked me. Barbara has been irritating me for as long as I can remember. I don't know why. She means so well. But she's too forward, too ingratiating. She's pushy.

"I hate Scrabble," I told her. I felt bad saying that. Nevermind, though, because Barbara started rambling about Boggle. I did enjoy playing Boggle at her house when I was a kid. She always had bottles of Pepsi in the fridge. We played in the kitchen. Plumes of cigarette smoke curled around the room. I hated that part of it. But the Pepsi was nice. When I was about 11, I found the word SLUT. Barbara and my mother didn't have the nerve to put it down with me playing. They did some tut-tutting, so I said I thought it was a word. My mom said it was, but she didn't think it was a word I would know. I didn't know what it meant, just that my nephew used it several times daily. They wouldn't tell me what it meant.

They finished Scrabble about 12:45. We had to be to the doctor at 1:30. So we got some takeout Chinese on the way. They screwed up our order and only gave us one fork, which I gave to my mom. So I had to pick my "mix chinese vegabo" off the pork fried rice with my fingers. My mom got the white rice, not me. Hers was so spicy it was making her sick. I thought she was going to spew in my car. Seriously. She tried to wash it down with a can of Diet Coke, which she drank in about 30 seconds. Then she belched and belched and belched and coughed and coughed and coughed and her nose ran and she kept giggling at herself. I finally had to laugh, too, because we parked the car at a park in Maple Bluff to eat. So there we were, this fat old woman belching like a drunk and me eating with my fingers. We really didn't fit in. (Maple Bluff is pretty hoity toity. The governor's mansion is there. You probably can find yourself a nice little house for about $400,000 or a nice big house for a couple million.)

Got to the doctor on time. I did homework.

Went to the post office to get some stamps. My mom threw away the last ones I got her. She says it's because they were black and white and she mistook them for junk mail. But she thought they were really ugly...makes me wonder.

Post office was closed "due to an unexpected illness."

Took Mom home, put her Christmas tree away, finally, and went to the bank. Ran into my new web editor. We know each other somehow but can't figure out how. I keep staring at him trying to figure it out. I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea.

So, time to go home and do some homework, right? I decided to take the Interstate. I pulled onto the highway, and a state trooper was behind me. I was very good and stayed right at 65. He pulled me over.

WTF?

Turns out I have an expired registration. I had no idea. I enjoy paying bills. How could I miss a vehicle registration? How could I miss it since last June? $160.80. They take credit cards, did you know? Grrrr...... I'd scream, but it wouldn't help. I can contest it in court if I want to. I heard if you contest it, they'll reduce the fine and send you to traffic school. I'd rather visit a proctologist. I'm finding my checkbook now....

4 comments:

laurie said...

in minnesota if you get a moving violation you can go to court to protest it. you don't get a reduced fine--actually, i think the fine is a little more this way--but they will wipe your record clean after a year if you don't get any more tickets.

i learned this the hard way after getting a $160 ticket for not coming to a complete stop (allegedly) at a stop sign on an intersection where you can really only make a right turn (left is a dead end, straight ahead is a parking lot).

don't get me started.

sounds like you had one hell of a day.

Lisa said...

Those miserable bastards at the AZ DMV told me they sent notices letting you know how much money you owe to register your vehicle as a courtesy, and if I didn't get one, which I didn't, too bad. It was my job to pay what I owed and on time, and I had to pay an $8 penalty which I paid online. Their web site said they had no valid address for me. I took my bill of sale from the Toyota dealer with my address on it and sat in a fly infested sleaze hole for 45 minutes. Some total idiot again told me all about it being my responsibility to pay on time and to find out what I owe if the notice never arrives. I asked her if she wasn't embarassed to tell people that and she said no. I left wishing them all a lingering case of rectal itch.

Eric said...

Having been to a proctologist I think I would save the money and go back. It only hurts while, er, the exam is in progress.

Amy said...

rectal itch...proctologist...change of subject