I Looked Back

I relinquished my post today.

Last year, when Heidi was finished and I took over, she was so happy. She told me I would be, too, when I was done. I wondered how she could feel that way. She had done such an incredible job and invested so much of herself--and then it was over! I thought she should be more attached, wistful, disappointed it was ending.

But now I know how she felt. It is nice to be done with it. I really enjoyed it, and I learned more than I thought I would. I have my regrets, too. But I'm not sad--well, not terribly sad. I'll miss all the chances I could have taken to be harder or to be more chummy. I suppose that's part of learning, too. Still, it really is good to be finished.

What I dislike is not seeing those people anymore. My advisor, the office people, some of my staff. I will also miss Tim and Holly and Bird and Jon and especially Mike like you wouldn't believe. I will miss not seeing Eric's face in my window or knowing I could dash up to his office and steal his sweater or leave him a love note--or find him at his desk.

I cleared out my desk and washed it off. I cleaned out the fridge--except for the beer bottles--I don't want to be seen with those. There was a nasty pasta salad and a rice dish in the fridge that's been there since, I think, September. It was not pretty. I handed in my key and had a goodbye chat with my advisor, turned off the lights, and left.

I looked back.