Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Peg Bundy

I got my hair cut this afternoon. I haven't had it cut since August. It was getting long. The hair on the back of my head is thick and wavy. I like it. The hair on the front of my head is thin and fine. I hate it.

So I considered just getting it cut cut cut. Short. Very short, like an inch short for that tousled, short, stylish hair that looks great on other people. But I figured with my hair so thin in front and not highlighted or lowlighted to death, it would just look like I enlisted.

I considered canceling the appointment. Nah. It needed to go.

The "senior design stylist" asked what I liked and didn't about my hair. She suggested bangs and layering. Fine.

Modern mullet? Yeah.

21st-century Peg Bundy? Yeah.

Kelsey laughed. She said it doesn't look like something I would choose, and that it's a middle-aged hair style. Joy.

No, no pictures. Let me keep what little self-esteem I can manage to sweep up with the clippings.

I see it's Tuesday. Fat Tuesday. I haven't been posting updates because nothing has changed. I have to actually try to lose weight, not just hope the fat away.

I did buy three new bras over the weekend, thanks to my fat. My old ones just didn't fit. A tight elastic band attached to flaps over the boobs is so uncomfortable. But the real kicker came when I couldn't look in the "average figure" section.

I have gotten so piggy that I am now in the "full figure" department. And I'm just a B cup. Barely a B cup, in fact, because I can hardly fill the B. There's nothing full about that. Just wide.

I go without a bra often. I can get away with it because my lovely lady lumps are, in fact, lumps. But today I saw an amply endowed woman, and I wondered if she was wearing a bra. Her breasts were possibly the largest I've ever seen, and that's saying something because my mom is a 52J. This woman's jugs were the size of a healthy preschooler. I wonder how much they weigh? Good heavens. Can you imagine lugging that around? Her poor back. How could she possibly find a brassiere that large? No wonder I saw no straps. I wanted to stare. I wanted to feel them, to heft them.

I'm glad I wasn't saddled with those.

7 comments:

The Rotten Correspondent said...

My sister in law is something like a 46HH. Seriously - when she was pregnant (with twins!) she went into triple cup sizes. I've seen her when she takes off her bra and there are red and raw areas where the straps used to be.

God save us all.

Amy said...

Some boobs are just unreal. I used to think my mom was big with her 42DD boobs, but I keep seeing ones bigger and bigger.

My mom told me I'd get 'em, too, but I never did. I think I'm glad.

Sweet Irene said...

When you are saddled with those, you most likely need corrective surgery, as my aunt had. It can be a real burden to be too well endowed and painful too. Luckily, I am not, but just an average C cup.

Amy said...

Irene, my cousin had breast reduction surgery. My mom says she wishes she had, too.

Apparently, when my aunt was 14, my grandma escorted her to the store to get a brassiere. The woman who worked at the store asked if my aunt was a nursing mother. How embarrassing when you're 14.

aims said...

'I wanted to feel them, to heft them.'

Glad I'm not the only one who wonders how much those things might weigh...how weird are we?

Crystal Jigsaw said...

You make me laugh with the jugs thingy! I haven't heard that expression for ages. I have become very piggy too but that's because I like eating piggy stuff. The only time I've been in love with my boobs was when I was in my twenties and they were nice and firm!!! Now they're saggy, and serve absolutely no purpose.

Crystal xx

Amy said...

Aims, it's best not to look too closely at how weird we are.

CJ, I bet the farmer loves your boobs, even if you don't. It's nice that you loved them once upon a time, though.

I like mine better now that they are bigger and saggy and full of stretch marks. I used to have itty bitty titties, and they were very horribly sensitive. Getting larger has made more surface area for the same number of nerve endings. And they look like boobs now instead of pimples.